Rest Child, I've Got This

April 29, 2021

Macy has a cold from daycare, or maybe seasonal allergies - or teething - probably a combination of all three, figures. Mom went back home, I missed her, she made things feel a tiny bit less scary. It was a busy day at work, Cory and I were distracted by the work. It kept our minds off of reality, I think. We each told some more friends/family/coworkers - still sucks.

I thought I was doing ok, processing things, coming to terms - I wasn’t. That night was terrible. I cried so loud I almost woke Macy up. She started crying. I calmed myself. I had a moment looking down at her baby monitor where I was whispering, “It’s ok baby girl, don’t cry, go back to sleep.” and I felt like I heard God telling me the same thing. Like he was looking down on me hunched over in my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks, the way I was watching Macy on her monitor, telling me to calm down, “It’s ok baby girl, don’t cry, I’ve got this, go to sleep.” I think I drifted off around 1:30am.