Wednesday, June 2, 2021 I woke up feeling pretty good today and so I was able to keep working at a fairly normal pace for the day. I had to go get a white blood cell shot in the morning, the nurse explained that this is a “time-release” shot that will work over the next two weeks between chemo treatments. It should help to boost my white blood cell count and hopefully help protect me from potential infections while my immune system is compromised by the chemo medicine. My sister Mary came and hung out with me for most of the day, we went on a walk and that felt really good. I forgot about wearing sunscreen *facepalm* and regretted it instantly. One side effect of chemo is that you burn easily and so they tell you to cover up, avoid the sun and wear sunscreen when you're outside. The easy burning during chemo is no joke, we were out for maybe 30min. and I definitely had a minor sunburn on my face and arms. Lessons learned for next time. Mom came over after work to tag in and let Mary go home to her family. She’ll be with us through the end of the week to help out during the rougher days. So thankful for everyone’s continued love and support, it continues to overwhelm me and leave me in a puddle of gratitude. Thursday, June 3, 2021 Today is rough. Feeling very tired, very rundown, nauseous and nursing a headache still. Spent the day in bed. My mom is here to help with anything we need, helping around the house, helping with Macy, stocking our fridge with delicious produce and all the healthy things to hopefully help boost my immune system. But for now, I’m just going to sleep. Not really feeling up for eating, trying to push fluids, but it’s hard. Friday, June 4, 2021 Still feeling wiped, but a bit better. Felt up to doing some work from bed today so that was an improvement. Battling unwanted side effects from the chemo, will spare everyone the details. Dry mouth has been an annoying recurrence. But at least I’m able to sleep at night so that’s good. Tuesday, June 8, 2021 Had my first post-chemo check-in and blood draw this morning. Met with my oncologist nurse practitioner to talk about side effects and how that week after the first round of chemo went. Blood draw showed my white blood cell (WBC) counts dangerously low (around 2-something). But that WBC shot that I got last week rolls out over a 2 week period so it will kick in here shortly and hopefully help those WBC rebound. Just means we have to keep being diligent about washing hands, avoiding germs, etc. Wednesday, June 9, 2021 Bone density scan today. So the hormone drugs that I was taking for my quick start IVF and the drugs that I’m now taking to hopefully preserve my ovaries during chemo, all can have adverse side effects on my bone density (delightful). So I asked my Dr. if we could get a baseline measurement to make sure that post-chemo and all of this, we’d have something to measure against to see if I was experiencing any adverse reactions to all of the drugs and if we would need to be proactive about protecting my bone health. Will wait to hear the results from my oncologist, probably not until he’s back from vacation though, so I would imagine we’ll talk about it during our next touch base after round 2 of chemo. Thursday, June 10, 2021 Met with my surgeon, this afternoon. A follow-up appt. to check on my port implant and also gave me the opportunity to ask more about timelines and the lumpectomy. He said that after chemo is done (hopefully the last round will be on Sept. 7, so long as I can stay healthy and keep on track) then he likes to wait 2-3 weeks to make sure I’m feeling better, healthier, and ready to withstand the surgery. And then post-lumpectomy, it will probably be another 3-4 weeks before my radiologist will want to start radiation treatments. This just helped me get a clearer picture of how this might all play out this fall.

June 1, 2021 This is the face of all-consuming fear, anxiety and exhaustion. Today was Day 1 of 8. The cancer center was extremely busy after the holiday weekend. Cory came with me to the center, we had to wait 30+ min. just to get my initial blood work drawn. I'm hoping that it won’t be like this every time, but we’ll see. The waiting room was mostly elderly folks - I always feel out of place when I’m there. I overheard a woman loudly say to another gentleman, “Did you see that young girl in here? That’s so sad…” Yes, it is sad. It’s sad that any of us have to be here. I can think of literally 1,000 other places I’d rather be at the moment - jury duty, teeth cleaning, DMV to get my drivers license renewed… yeah, it’s sad. But it is what it is. This morning was rough, lots of tears, lots of anxiety. I didn’t want to tell Macy goodbye at daycare. I could barely put her down in her crib last night, I just wanted to hold onto her and never let go. Like my holding her little miraculous body would somehow heal mine and keep me from having to start chemo. But no such luck. Cory wasn’t able to come back to the treatment area with me, thanks Covid. So I had to go on my own, a big bag of stuff in tow. I brought a book, some snacks, a blanket and a small cooler with popsicles - I’m supposed to suck on really cold stuff during and after the Adriamycin infusion, it’s supposed to help cut down on the risk of mouth sores, post-treatment. The day was long and slow - I’m guessing probably because of the holiday weekend again, patients that would have typically gotten their infusions on Monday had to come in on Tuesday maybe...unsure. But I got settled in my chair, my nurse Sabrina was a sweetheart. She did her best to make me feel comfortable. I had to start with a long-term anti-nausea medicine, the infusion took about 30 min., then I had to wait about 20 min. until I could get the next infusion. Another anti-nausea medicine, same thing - 30 min. of infusion, 20 min. of downtime before the chemo. And everything took longer because Sabrina was helping multiple patients, so I would sit and wait for a long while until she was able to come over and administer the Adriamycin. That was the first chemo drug that I got - it was red (affectionately referred to as the "Red Devil"). It looked like the liquid that comes in a jar full of cherries. And it was in a syringe instead of an IV bag. Sabrina had to stand there and slowly push it into my line - took about 15-20 min., maybe it was shorter, it felt longer. And that whole time I had to suck on popsicles, I ate two and then switched over to a cup of ice chips, trying to keep my mouth cold. Then there was only one more infusion, Cytoxan, which took about 45 min. for the entire bag. I started feeling kind of drowsy with this push. At one point I remember closing my eyes. And then it was done and I could go home. It was a long day - about 8:45am - 2:15pm in total. I’ve been told that chemo treatments are cumulative - that each treatment will probably get harder to rebound from. I’m scared about that. But I'm going to do my best to stay positive. Cory was there waiting for me with a big hug. I felt ok - got home and wanted to make the most of the time that I was feeling good so I tried to get a bunch done around the house. A headache started setting in around 4pm. I had a bit of fatigue but not terrible so I enjoyed my time with Macy as much as possible. She and Cory, and all our family and friends, are the ones I’m fighting for. I’ve got to get past this so I can have a long and healthy life with them.

May 26, 2021 Cory and I reported at 6am for my port implant surgery. I was checked in and taken back to a room where I had labs drawn, changed into my medical gown, got into the bed and then waited for next steps. Cory was able to come back to the room once I was all settled. I was a bit anxious about this surgery, the port goes in just below my right clavicle and has a small catheter that runs into the jugular vein (please don’t miss Dr. Naour). When the time came they wheeled me into the operating room, it was very familiar - the same space that I had been in for my gallbladder surgery, about this time last year. I transferred to the operating table and then was administered some low-grade anesthesia, I felt myself begin to drift off. Unfortunately, at some point during the surgery the anesthesia began to wear off, I could feel myself waking up and I think it was right when the surgeon was starting to place the port. I heard (and felt) some cutting and cracking and the surgeon directing the nurse anesthetist that I was waking up and to get me back under fast. No big deal. I was only living my worst nightmare ever. But as quickly as I came out of the anesthesia I was back under because I don’t remember much after that. I woke up back in the recovery room with Cory. My neck and chest were in a lot of pain, mostly stinging. I remember crying because I could remember what had happened, but also because I almost always cry coming out of anesthesia. Everything was fine, the surgery went well, and aside from the small hiccup of me waking up a bit (granted, my eyes never fully opened, I was really just aware of my surroundings for a short while), Doc said it was a success. We did all the post-op walk through and were back home around 9:30ish to recover. I pushed fluids, doing my best to flush that anesthesia and hopefully avoid a migraine. Stayed in bed and iced a lot. I felt good enough to get up and walk around in the afternoon. And by the time Macy got home from daycare, I felt comfortable picking her up and holding her on my left side (no holding anything over 10-lbs on my right side for 1 -week). Glad to have this procedure done and that just means we’re one step closer to chemo. But for now I’m focusing on work tomorrow and then heading to Michigan this holiday weekend with our family to enjoy some sun, celebrate my Mom’s birthday and to pretend - just for a moment - like everything is right with the world and I don’t have cancer. It will all be waiting for me when we get back, but for now I’m choosing to focus on more important things.

May 25, 2021 This afternoon I had to head to the cancer center. I am going to be taking a hormone treatment that will push my ovaries into a "dormant" state to hopefully protect them from the chemotherapy - another measure we are taking to hopefully ensure the opportunity for having children in the future, either naturally or through the fertility preservation measures that we’ve taken. After my lab work was done and I got my hormone shot, I met with oncologist nurse practitioner Lyndi to talk through all-things chemo. I was unprepared for that discussion. It was extremely overwhelming and made this fight feel really scary, again. There are so many possible side effects, some that could just be annoyances to manage or mitigate, some that could be life-threatening, and some that could have long-term side effects that we might not even know about until later in life when challenges could occur. It’s terrifying. Enough to make you want to turn and run straight out the door. I felt paralyzed in fear again. In the car on the drive home I cried, hard. I wish I had been better prepared heading into that discussion. I wish I had Cory with me to hold my hand. I wish I didn’t have cancer. Mom came over tonight to help us with Macy tomorrow morning during my port implant surgery. We sat in the living room together, I told her about my appointment earlier that day and how hard it had been. I spent some time organizing all of my treatment information and documents in a filing system and reading through each and every piece of literature that Lyndi gave me. I’ve got some questions, I’ll need to follow-up with her tomorrow or Thursday - there's definitely more to discuss before I just let them hook me up to this poison next Tuesday.

May 24, 2021 I had to take the morning off, the discomfort is unreal. I’m still nursing a migraine that came on yesterday afternoon - most likely as a result of the anesthesia and probably the abdominal bloat too. I started feeling a bit better around 1pm. We got a call from IFI, all but one of the eggs collected were viable and a great number of those were successfully fertilized, so that was amazing news! We know that there will most likely be a drop-off from now until the embryos are fully developed, but we are extremely encouraged and this brings us renewed hope for continuing to grow our family after this breast cancer is behind us. I also received a call from the Cancer Center's geneticist today with good news - my genetic test results came back and there was no evidence of hereditary gene mutations related to breast cancer (BRCA1/BRCA2). This means I won’t have to get an automatic double mastectomy. It also means a decreased risk of recurrence and it means great news for the women in my family too. My sisters and their kids will need to be cognizant of the situation - Jessa and Mary will need to start getting regular mammograms as soon as they’re able (post pregnancy and breastfeeding) and Macy will need to begin regular breast-health checks around age 28, but this is still really, really good news.

May 23, 2021 We met with Dr. Jarrett at the Indiana Fertility Institute at 7am this morning. It started with bloodwork, an overall baseline examination, and then I was prepped for the egg retrieval. I got to meet Dr. Jarrett, the anesthesiologist and the embryologist on site for the procedure. Oh yeah - Dr. Jarrett's team has an onsite Embryologist! That means that we will be able to make and freeze embryos instead of just eggs now, that was a huge answered prayer. We felt really comfortable with the team. It was not missed by Cory and I that their entire team had come in to the office on their one off-day of the week, just for my procedure. That was so incredible, that care and attention to our needs and the empathy toward our situation was extremely humbling. The retrieval went well - they were able to collect a good number of eggs that went directly to the embryologist for fertilization. We’ll know on Monday how many were successfully fertilized and by Friday we should know how many grew into fully developed embryos for freezing. After discharge we got on the road and headed back home. My parents had come over to our house on Saturday to watch Macy while we were away. She did a great job with them overnight for their first slumber party together. But I missed my baby and was ready to get back home to her. As we drove the abdominal bloating and pain continued growing. The post-IVF procedure is no joke, the bloat is real and it is extremely painful and uncomfortable. I had difficulty getting situated while resting or trying to sleep. I'm hopeful that I’ll feel better tomorrow, but I’ve been told that this could last up to 2 weeks.

May 20, 2021 Today was a BIG day! I’m not exaggerating. It wasn’t supposed to be a “big” day - the only thing on the agenda was my additional ultrasound (and possible biopsy) this afternoon, to look at the spot that was found during my MRI earlier this week. But this morning, I wanted to touch base with Michelle - after having some time to process and think about the information she shared with me yesterday, I had some questions. Going out of state for the retrieval could mean unplanned expenses, the procedure might not be considered “in-network” anymore and we were not prepared for the cost that could potentially be attached to that. Not to mention, going down to St. Louis for the retrieval - where would my eggs end up after that? Would we have to go down there for all of our future fertility appointments when we’re ready to try getting pregnant again? Would they be transported back in-state? I just had a lot of unknowns floating around in my mind. IVF/Egg Retrieval Update: But before I could even launch into all of that, Michelle cut me off, she sounded very excited and said that she had some news, an update for me. There would once again be a change in plans. Instead of heading down to St. Louis for retrieval on Saturday - we were accepted as a patient for Dr. John Jarrett - one of the most accredited and best practitioners in the business when it comes to fertility and IVF. The joy and relief that I felt in that moment was immeasurable. My sister and I had been talking about Dr. Jarrett the night before - wondering if it might be possible to work with him, but we both wrote it off because we knew how highly sought after he was and thought there was no way that he would be able to get me in before next week. I had family that were patients of Dr. Jarrett and all agreed that, given the choice, he was the guy to work with. It was very evident to me that God was present in this situation and He was once again making a way, leading exactly where Cory and I need to be to receive the best care. I had to jump in the car for one last blood draw and ultrasound in Champaign - which meant one final visit with Michelle, my angel NPR through all of this - and then hurry back to Bloomington for a virtual consult with Dr. Jarrett. It was great to “meet” him - he seemed very empathetic to our situation and highly motivated to do everything he could to help us. After reviewing all of my recent lab work and ultrasound results, it was clear to him that the retrieval would need to be on Sunday morning to give my eggs every last bit of time that we could to develop and mature. So that was the plan, we would head to Indy Saturday night to be there for an early morning retrieval appointment on Sunday. There were more phone calls with his team, paperwork to fill out and send back, logistics to manage in the afternoon - but the retrieval date and time is scheduled and it’s actually, finally happening! 2nd Ultrasound Appt: But if you can believe it - it gets even BETTER. I had my ultrasound this afternoon to look at the additional spot found on the MRI. So, spoiler alert I guess - the spot did NOT appear suspicious to the doctor reviewing the ultrasound imaging. During the ultrasound, every time the tech would *click* take a picture of whatever she was seeing on the machine, I felt my gut sink further and further down. I had convinced myself in that 30 minutes that there was more cancer. That it would postpone my treatment because we would need to wait to be able to get in for a biopsy, that the worst case scenario was what we were dealing with here. When the tech was done she left and I got dressed and sat in a small chair in the corner of the room. The tech came back after a few minutes and said, “Doctor. took a look and said that he thinks it’s probably a small cyst that popped up. No need to do anything more at this time, we might ask you to come back in 6 mos. to check in on it.” I was shocked, y’all. Like I thought, maybe I imagined the words that I just heard come out of her mouth. I told her thank you. I headed out of the imaging center and felt myself collapse against the wall outside. I couldn’t tell if I needed to cry, laugh, scream (granted - I have like 300x the amount of hormones pumping through my body right now so that probably doesn’t help the situation) but it was a cyst. It wasn’t more cancer or a different type of cancer. Thank you, God! Thank you, God. I called Cory, we celebrated. I called my mom - I'm pretty sure I freaked her out for a second because I wasn’t super clear with why I was calling, I just blurted out, “It’s a cyst!” But we got it sorted out and then celebrated. I texted my oncologist, he responded excitedly and with encouragement. Today was a BIG day. Today was a GOOD day. 2 battles were won today in the ultimate war that I’m facing, and I am energized! We’re going to preserve our chances at having another (or maybe even a few more) Yontz babies! The cancer is still localized to the one tumor - it’s grown since the initial imaging was done, but it’s still only the one. And we will be figuring out a chemotherapy start date probably (hopefully) sometime early next week. God’s hand is in all of this. There is no way that I can look at this day, at the last few weeks, and not see God in every single interaction. Every small miracle brings peace in this fight. God provides. God protects. He defends, delivers, makes a way. Even in the darkness I can still see the light and it is leading me out of this mess. I am going to beat this. We are going to beat this. Thank you to my prayer warriors - I feel you surrounding and lifting me up.

May 19, 2021 The morning started with an early drive over to the clinic for another fertility preservation appointment. Blood drawn, ultrasound to check follicular development - the usual stuff. Looking at a retrieval date of this Friday - which would be great because my ovaries are so big right now, there are so many follicles on each side - I told Cory I feel like an overstuffed turkey at Thanksgiving. It’s extremely uncomfortable, not to mention I’m just so ready to put this behind me and focus on treatment. I stopped by Jessa’s after my appointment to check in on my big sis and my future little nephew she’s carrying around (he's due in Aug.) and to catch up on some work, take a client call, etc. before heading back home. The perks of the round-trip excursions to C-U every 2-3 days a week. When I got back home, I was literally pulling in the driveway as I received my afternoon update call from nurse practitioner Michelle - only this time she sounded devastated. I’m thinking, oh gosh - what’d she find on the ultrasound, cancer in my uterus? In my ovaries? Bracing myself for the worst. However, in my opinion it was simply an unfortunate inconvenience. Nothing we couldn’t handle, thankfully. My fertility doctor had called Michelle earlier that day and said that she was very sick and wouldn’t be able to perform my surgery on Friday or anytime this weekend either. So we had to pivot, look for another fertility specialist and clinic nearby that would be available - she said they were looking into a clinic in St. Louis but were still waiting to hear back on if they could take me on as a patient, logistics, details, etc. It is a lot to take in - Michelle said it seemed like I was taking the news surprisingly well but honestly at this point, after the last few weeks that we’ve had, I have already turned all of this over to God. I am trusting that He is going to work this all out for our good. At this point, I have done everything that I can - I have taken the meds, I have injected myself 3x/day, I am carrying around ovaries the size of softballs (probably an exaggeration, even though it feels that way), I am bloated, uncomfortable and exhausted - and it’s time to wrap this up. We took a risk going down the path of fertility preservation before treating my cancer. We’ve gone this far, there’s no turning back. Now we just need to retrieve the eggs that are there and preserve them with the hopes that, when the time comes, they will help us to grow our family.

May 18, 2021 Welp, thought I wouldn’t have to put anything down today - it was supposed to be uneventful. I don’t have any doctor appointments scheduled or anything. Should have known that’d blow up in my face. My MRI results came back. I got a call from a scheduler at the hospital's women’s center. My lymph nodes were clear (praise the Lord), but I need to come in for another ultrasound. MRI showed another spot in my R. breast. Could be that the cancer’s spread. Could be that it’s another or different type of cancer. Could be unrelated to the cancer. The ultrasound will take a closer look at the spot and might require another biopsy. Not what I was hoping for at all. I’m pissed just sitting here having to type this out. It feels like Day 1 of this shit all over again. I called Lisa (breast health navigator) to ask her about it, cried on the phone while she tried to explain this to me. I sent my oncologist a message asking if he could call me to talk through the MRI results and the need for an ultrasound. I’m scared what it might mean for my diagnosis, prognosis and treatment. The follow-up ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday afternoon. My next IVF check-in is tomorrow at 8am. I'm still hopeful for egg retrieval on Friday (5/21). I’ve never felt such a sense of urgency to get past that part of my treatment journey so that we can focus on actual treatment and get this f*cking cancer out of my body.

May 17, 2021 Today was MRI day - hallelujah. But that appointment this morning meant a conflict with my fertility appointment needs. I need to get a blood draw in the early morning to check my hormone levels - so instead we coordinated with the local hospital to do a blood draw first thing in the morning before heading down for my MRI. After some mix-up with the volunteer checking me in at Registration (somehow my name got in the system as “Ruth” Yontz…) I finally was seen for a quick blood draw and then made my way to Radiology in the lower level of the hospital. The MRI went fine. I had to lay face-down in the machine to allow my breasts to fall away from my chest wall. It was extremely uncomfortable, the machine props pressed hard on my ribs and sternum, but it was only about 40min. and then I checked that off of my to-do list. The results are being sent to my oncologist, I should hopefully hear from them sometime tomorrow with an update on my situation. Still praying that the cancer has remained localized to the mass and stayed out of my lymph nodes. Another fertility appointment, another trip to Champaign. I love Champaign, I enjoy visiting my Alma Mater and reminiscing about the good ol’ undergrad glory days, I love seeing my family there - but the back and forth for these fertility appointments is becoming a bit exhausting. Driving there and back every 2 to 3 days - dropping everything or moving my schedule around to accommodate the early mornings and lengthy roundtrip - I’m ready for this leg of my journey to be complete. We had hoped for an egg retrieval on Wed. or Thurs. of this week - but my Dr. wants to give it a bit more time for the eggs to grow and develop further. At this point, I guess it can’t hurt. Not like I will start my chemotherapy this week… but soon. Praying my body will continue to respond quickly to the medicine, praying that we can do a retrieval on Friday, praying that it goes exceptionally smooth, praying that my Dr. is able to collect a decent number of healthy, well-developed eggs, praying for the safe freeze (and future thaw) of the eggs, praying for the hope of growing our family once this is all behind us, the hope of carrying another child in my womb, praying for hope.

May 16, 2021 We started the day watching church as a family (thank goodness for online church that you can watch in your jammies with a cozy cup of coffee in hand). Macy took a good nap, I watched Cory plant his garden with pride, and then we headed out to Mark and Sandi’s to enjoy some more quality family time. This weekend has been so uplifting. My cup is full and I am so thankful to both our families for loving on us so well this weekend. Macy had the best time running around with her cousins in Grandma Sandi and Poppy’s backyard. She just took Tori’s hand and followed her everywhere. On the swing, down the slide, in the rocks, under the swing set, into the little wooden house (aka: girls secret hideaway, no boys allowed!) haha. I took so many pictures, I soaked up every minute of this day. Sitting on the porch with our family - watching our kids run around, putting on fresh nail sets, then heading in to stuff ourselves with pasta, salad and bread - it was just what my soul needed. Feeling recharged and ready to head into the week and face whatever might lie ahead.

May 15, 2021 We were already planning on being in town to celebrate my mom’s birthday with the family, but a fertility appointment this morning was the perfect excuse for a slumber party at my sister's house. After a fun night of cousin-shenanigans with our kiddos, good food and cold spirits, we woke up early and headed to the fertility clinic this morning. Cory came with me and went on a coffee run while I got my routine blood draw and ultrasound. When he came back we all headed over to Jacob’s t-ball game. Gotta love kiddos running around in a grass field, catching grounders, tossing their gloves in the air, sitting down in the grass - kid’s t-ball is top-notch entertainment! And Jakey did so good! We cheered and clapped, Macy loved watching all the kids run around and waved happily at every stranger that crossed our path. After Jake’s game we headed back to Jessa’s for Macy’s nap and Mom’s birthday party. Once awake, you couldn’t keep Macy off of Jake’s swing set -- it was “more, more” -- Cory would catch her at the bottom of the slide and then pick her up and plop her back on top for another go! She wanted to swing on Jake’s dish swing over and over again. We're going to have to get this kiddo a swing set in her own backyard someday soon! Another beautiful day, I’m so thankful for this quality family time. I know I’ll be holding onto these moments closely as I’m sitting in my chair for my first infusion…